we hardly ever eat dinner together
because daddy always comes home drunk at 6 AM
and mommy always has to go visit John Redcorn for her massages
idk why she goes for the massages
but theres always ranch dressing on her mouth when she comes back.
sometimes its in her shirt too but I never say anything about it because I'm afraid it might embarass her.
My mommy made me cook because she can't cook because grandma never taught her.
Apparently it was illegal to give out handjobs in bangcocks and you get your hands chopped off if you do.
I took some hot pockets and put it in a pot and boiled it until it simmers, then I threw in some grape flavored koolaid in there to add in a kick. Everyone likes grape flavored koolaid.
My mom and dad were argueing about which is better Comcast or Direct TV.
Which is pretty normal because they were argueing who was better, a round eraser or a circle eraser two weeks ago.
My daddy said,
"YOU FUCKIN TRAMP. OF COURSE COMCAST IS BETTER BECAUSE IT'S GOT HIGH QUALITY SERVICE AND IT GOT THAT INTERNET TOO"
then mommy replied you,
"ARE YOU FUCKIN RETARDED? DIRECT TV GOT THAT INTERNET, PHONE, AND THAT TV. YOU MUST BE ON SOMETHIN RETARTICLE"
daddy then said,
"GOD, YOU GOTTA BUNDLE WITH QWEST FOR THAT SHIT. FOR COMCAST YOU AINT GOTTA EVEN BUNDLE WITH NO ONE ELSE, YOU JUST GETTIN COMCAST. THAT SHITS PRETTY COOL"
I got terrified.
I didn't kn ow what to do.
If they keep screaming like this, my flan will burst!
mommy got angry and took the boiling pot I had set up convientlylky right next to them and she threw it at daddy.
Daddy screamed out loud and started cursing out random shitznizzles.
He threw everything on the groudn for no apparrent angry reason whatsoever and he lied on top of it and rolled over onto the ground back to where he was standing because he couldn't really see because he got blind and shit from the fuckin boiling water that I added that grape flavored koolaid to. Everyone knows grape flavored koolaid is kickass. I think my daddy couldn't take the grapejuice. It's kickassness is too powerful for him.
Suddenly his skin started to rot and peel off, then the whole table was covered in blood and rancid body guts were spilling out of his anus hole.
Mommy started screaming because she's on parole and she was told not to do this kind of stuff.
She grabbed me and threw me into the car and drove off.
I was surprised because she didn't lock the door at all.
She always tells me to lock the door because last time I didn't lock the door, someone ended up fucking my pet cat in the throat and we got sued becuase apparently cats have teeth and it bit off the man's penis.
I started crying
My tears streaming down my cheek and into my hard nipples
I begged my mom to turn back because I forgot to get my brownies out of the oven.
She slapped me and said
"FUCK YOU AND YOUR BROWNIES BITCH. I AINT GOIN BACK TO JAIL AGAIN SO STFU"
She got into a hill that's perched above an orphanage full of mute kids who recently got a donation for cellphones.
she backed up the car a little bit and she was about to drive off.
I told my mom that I don't wanna die yet because I haven't done the things that I've neevr done before even though I pretty much did all the things I wanted in the last 84 blogs I've written.
she looked at me and said,
"I TOLD YOU TO STFU YOU LITTLE CHICKEN SHIT EATER"
she pushed me off the car and she drove off the hill herself.
Apparently the kids tried to call 911 to get help because they forsaw the whole thing themselves because if your mute, you get the ability to SEEEEE into tha future.
But too bad all the cops didn't hear anything.
